the big move

i think i should explain tbm b/c it's such a huge deal in my life right now.

it basically started last year around october, i suppose. my dad found some sort of job ad and told my mom about it. it was a job at a company called syngenta, which is in the research triangle park in north carolina. that was about 1,000 miles from missouri, the mid-west, all the way to the east coast.

the weird part is, five months ago from then (may) we'd gone to visit rtp, and now my parents are suggesting that we move there. my mom replied to the job and went on an interview in november. we were expecting her to get the job with no problems.

of course, i didn't want to leave at all. i had lots of friends at school and we had sleepovers and parties every other weekend. but as soon as my mom got the notice that gave her the job, my parents started making plans to move. we made lots of revisions to the plan. originally i was going to leave with my mom during winter break and leave my dad in missouri to sell the house. i would just finish the rest of my school year at a new school. afterwards we changed it so that i would stay with my dad and just my mom would leave.

while we were making these plans, i was actually getting kind of excited. my parents were telling me all these wonderful things about raleigh and being in a big city as opposed to a little country town with only two high schools. they printed out these statistics from high schools and let me choose which one i wanted to go to. it seemed almost cool, very different.

so i was to leave on the last day of school at noon. by then all of my friends knew that i was moving, so i hugged everyone before i left. as i walked out the front door and got into the car, it was the first time i actually realized that i was MOVING, and LEAVING my home of five years. it hit me like a train at full speed, and at that point i started tearing up. my parents took me to a restaurant for lunch, as a sort of farewell to the wonderful little town. it was one of my favorite buffets, but i couldn't really enjoy it at all b/c i kept thinking that it'd be a long time before i could see the faces of my friends again.

about a month before, i'd made a facebook b/c they were all urging me to "keep in touch." facebook is almost like a huge lie, maybe a little better than myspace. your "friends" aren't really friends, more like people you recognize and know the names of. some people put false pictures on there. you have to watch what you do and say, b/c facebook is like a stalker and w/e you do pops up on your wall or minfeed. just last week someone was killed by four high school students, and a lot of it happened b/c of what came up on facebook. despite all of that, yes i still have one. only about 7 of my friends still talk to me, the rest just moved on with their lives. of course, i can't blame them, it's not like i had such a big impact anyway. i'm just glad my real friends are still with me.

my friend situation here in north carolina has improved slightly...from the dinner party post you can tell i'm sorta "wallowing in self pity." i'd rather be lonely than attempt to make fake friends.

anime is a great distraction. i have these "phases" where i become obsessed with a certain series then it fades as i start watching another one. it's fun and relaxing, though it does mess with my head sometimes.